Attitude Adjustments











{April 19, 2008}   #23-Up and Down

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, ‘Paw, what’s at?’ The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, ‘Son, I dunno. I ain’t never seen anything like that in my whole life; I ain’t got no idea’r what it is.’ While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small cir cular n umber above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son
 …. ‘Boy……………. ..go git cha Momma…………..
 

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liberal leader

Liberal / Conservative / Southerner
Date of Joke: Wednesday, 31st March, 2004
Scenario: You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 45 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?Liberal Answer:Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation?Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Conservative Answer:BANG!

Southerner’s Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click….(sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips??

You have just experienced an attitude adjustment. Smile & pass it on! Thanks!



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