Attitude Adjustments











{March 19, 2008}   #19-Becoming Illegal
taxpayerBecoming Illegal
Date of Joke: Sunday, 20th May, 2007
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC, 20510Dear Senator Harkin,As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill’s provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I’m excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as ‘in-state’ tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver’s license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA

 You have just experienced an attitude adjustment. Smile, and pass it on.  Thanks!

Please view this video as a tribute to our American Border Patrol Agents and the dangerous job they do to protect our American/Mexico Border! Thanks!

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{March 11, 2008}   #13- Secretarial Position

secretary typing

Secretarial Position
Date of Joke: Thursday, 14th March, 2002
There is an opening for a secretarial position. The man conducting the interviews asks each candidate the same question.“What would you do if you found $100 lying on the floor in the office?”The first one says “I would post a sign saying that some money had been found, and try to find person who lost it.”The second one says “I would lock up the money up in my desk, and if no one claims that they have lost any money, I would keep it.”The third one says “I would turn it over to the building security.”Do you know which woman got the job? The one with the big tits.

You have just experienced an attitude adjustment. Pleasure does help your disposition. Smile, or laugh,  and pass it on! Thanks!


 



Joy Stick

Top Ten Signs Your Co-worker is a Hacker
Date of Joke: Wednesday, 18th October, 2006
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.

9. He’s won the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.

8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.

7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.

5. Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeez” 95 times during the movie “The Net” 4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.

3. Video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons

2. When his computer starts up, you hear, “Good Morning, Mr. President.”

1. You hear him murmur, “Let’s see you use that Visa card now, jerk.”

You have just experienced an attitude adjustment. Smiles cause less wrinkles and frowns cause more. Pleasure does help your disposition. Pass it on. Thanks!



Shooting Stars Boxersshamrock thongsBUBBA AND THE WALMART TEST An office manager at Walmart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, “What is the fastest thing you know of?”Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, “A THOUGHT.” It just pops into your head.
There’s no warning that it’s on the way; It’s just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of. “That’s very good!” replied the interviewer.

“And now you sir?” he asked the second man Hmm. Let me see. A BLINK! It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened. A blink of an eye is the fastest thing I can think of.” “Excellent!” said the interviewer. “The blink of an eye, that’s very good.”

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply. “Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.” The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. “It’s hard to beat the speed of light, “he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed same question. Old Bubba replied, “After hearing the three previous answers, “It’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.” “WHAT!?” said the interviewer, stunned by the response. “Oh I can explain.” said Old Bubba. “You see the other day I wasn’t feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s#%$ in my pants.”Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Walmart near you!

From: Beau Covington
You have just had an attitude adjustment! Smiling causes less wrinkles and frowning causes more! Pleasure does help your disposition, pass it on! Thanks!

Walmart Greeter Song



et cetera