Attitude Adjustments











{March 18, 2008}   #18-The Bridge to Hawaii

geniebottle

Bridge To Hawaii
Date of Joke: Thursday, 6th March, 2003
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.The genie said “OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!”The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete…how much steel!! No-think of another wish.”

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women….know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment….know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’….know how to make them truly happy….”

The genie said, “You want that bridge two lanes or four?”

You have just had an attitude adjustment. Smile, and pass it on! Thanks!  

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{March 11, 2008}   #13- Secretarial Position

secretary typing

Secretarial Position
Date of Joke: Thursday, 14th March, 2002
There is an opening for a secretarial position. The man conducting the interviews asks each candidate the same question.“What would you do if you found $100 lying on the floor in the office?”The first one says “I would post a sign saying that some money had been found, and try to find person who lost it.”The second one says “I would lock up the money up in my desk, and if no one claims that they have lost any money, I would keep it.”The third one says “I would turn it over to the building security.”Do you know which woman got the job? The one with the big tits.

You have just experienced an attitude adjustment. Pleasure does help your disposition. Smile, or laugh,  and pass it on! Thanks!


 



Joy Stick

Top Ten Signs Your Co-worker is a Hacker
Date of Joke: Wednesday, 18th October, 2006
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.

9. He’s won the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.

8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.

7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.

5. Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeez” 95 times during the movie “The Net” 4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.

3. Video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons

2. When his computer starts up, you hear, “Good Morning, Mr. President.”

1. You hear him murmur, “Let’s see you use that Visa card now, jerk.”

You have just experienced an attitude adjustment. Smiles cause less wrinkles and frowns cause more. Pleasure does help your disposition. Pass it on. Thanks!



{February 29, 2008}   #4-The Suspended Stove

potbellystove

The Suspended Stove

By: acidinterval Published: 02/17/2004
 
An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada. Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to rest.No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked and they entered. It was a simple place… 2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment. Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It was large, pot- bellied, and made of cast-iron. What was strange about it was its location… it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams.”Fascinating,” said the psychologist. “It is obvious that this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb.””Nonsense!” replied the engineer. “The man is practicing the laws of thermodynamics. By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute heat more evenly throughout the cabin.””With all due respect,” interrupted the theologian, “I’m sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries.”The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue. When the trapper finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling.His answer was succinct…”Had plenty of wire, not much stove pipe.”

(Goofballed)

You have just had an attitude adjustment! Smiling uses less wrinkles and frowning causes them.  Pleasure does help your disposition. Pass it on! Thanks!  

 



et cetera