Attitude Adjustments











Pastor’s Business Card

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.  At one house
  it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his
                      repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote “Revelation 3:20” on the
                  back of it and stuck it in the door.

 When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his
 card had been returned.  Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis
                                 3:10.”

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of
   laughter.  Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and
knock.”  Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was
                        afraid for I was naked.”

          Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones?
                      They still are!   Pass it on-
             “A cheerful heart is good medicine” (Prov. 17:22)

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THIS IS NOT A JOKE BUT A HUMAN INTEREST STORY. IT CAN CERTAINLY BE AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT AS WELL FOR ALL OF US.  THANKS….

 Just Stay

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.

“Your son is here,” she said to the old man.

She had to repeat the words several times before the patient’s   eyes opened.

Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand.   The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man’s limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed.All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted   ward, holding the old man’s hand and offering him words of love and strength.  Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.
He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital – the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.

Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.

Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.

Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.

“Who was that man?” he asked.
The nurse was startled, “He was your father,” she answered.
“No, he wasn’t,” the Marine replied. “I never saw him before in my life.”

“Then why didn’t you say something when I took you to him?”

“I knew right away there had been a mistake,
but I also knew he needed his son, and his
son just wasn’t here.
When I realized that he was too sick to tell
whether or not I was his son,
knowing how much he needed me, I stayed.”

The next time someone needs you … just be there.  Stay.
**************
  WE ARE NOT HUMAN BEINGS GOING THROUGH A
TEMPORARY SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE.

WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS GOING THROUGH A TEMPORARY
HUMAN EXPERIENCE.
(love this line)

PLEASE PASS THIS ONE ON AND
 GOD WILL BLESS YOU!
THIS IS WHAT WE ARE PUT ON THIS EARTH TO DO ANYWAY.  RIGHT ?
HAVE A GREAT DAY AND BLESS SOMEONE ELSE IN SOME LITTLE WAY TODAY!
GOD IS SO GOOD.

 

 
Start the year



{April 26, 2008}   #25-Tax Rebate

Subject: Tax Rebate
 
This past week President Bush and Congress allowed each one of us would
Get $300.00, it was $800.00 but they dropped it to $300.00 tax rebate.  If We
Spend that money at Wal-Mart, most of the money will go to China.  If We
Spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs. If we spend it on New Computers
all the money will go to India, or Pakistan for tech&nbs! p; support And None
will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America, so the  only way I can see To Keep
that money here at home is drink beer or spend  it on Prostitution;
Those are the only businesses still in the U.S.

From: Cousin Dan 

 



{April 19, 2008}   #24-The Wrong Thing To Say

 THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR’

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs …..Smiled and said, ‘He mated 50 times last year.’
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,

”THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR’

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, ‘WOW~~That’s more than twice a week! ……….You could learn a lot from him.’
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in capital letters,

‘THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR’

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
‘That’s once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.’

I looked at her and said,
‘Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.’

My condition has been upgraded from critical
to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.



{April 19, 2008}   #23-Up and Down

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, ‘Paw, what’s at?’ The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, ‘Son, I dunno. I ain’t never seen anything like that in my whole life; I ain’t got no idea’r what it is.’ While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small cir cular n umber above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son
 …. ‘Boy……………. ..go git cha Momma…………..
 



et cetera